LET'S TALK... SEX!
With Carolyne Nakazibwe

The urge to make love comes any time all the time, but if you want to have an unforgettable bout, do not go all the way if you realize the circumstances are not that conducive.

“After all we are married; everybody knows we have sex!”
Of course! But there are times when the environment may infringe on not only your physical, but psychological space and it will eventually affect that particular attempt at loving, whether you like it or not.
So if you want to avoid blaming each other for a not so satisfying moment, put it off if the problem is your choice of time and place.

You are at a party at Rock Gardens and the ‘come on over’ button goes off; it would not be advisable to go cool it off in the car you parked at the roadside, like one couple recently did. Definitely in that state many brains function at only half capacity, but if you fool yourselves into doing it at the roadside, it will end up being one of those awkward ones with their thrills but not worth it after all. The traffic, sneers you will get after and the discomfort of rushing through a matrimonial special moment may not be worth it after all. And to crown it all – like the other couple – you may step out of the car to menacing looks from the cops… a night in the coolers for being idle and disorderly. That is what they take you in for, you know? I see nothing idle about a romp in the car. But that is no time for you to read the cops the ‘matrimonial act’; you just don’t have to have it there and then. Make a hasty retreat to a hotel or even home.

Second scenario, he comes home and for some reason you have not had a shower, or are simply not feeling that fresh. Other than letting him go on, find an escape route to the bathroom. Yes, there is a definite kick in spontaneous sex and that kind is not usually all that elaborate. But if you have anything to say about it, be sure to wash up good and be ever ready. You do not want your spouse to get turned off when s/he craves oral sex, only to find you quite murky and tasteless because your last shower was twelve hours ago! Put it off nicely; a few minutes as you clean up won’t kill anyone!

Sometimes we do a lot of work at work and come home to more work (outside the conjugal) like rearranging rooms, changing furniture etc, and you both know your bodies are more than tired; or you went on a long trip and had to take turns driving.

There is nothing to be greedy about. You are married, not stealing sex from other people’s spouses. So instead of settling for something close to sex, and doze off midway into the ‘meeting’, have a warm bath together - preferably scented - and sleep off the fatigue, then launch into the massive ‘meeting’ later in the night, you will thank me for that.

In fact even on a wedding night, instead of doing funny half-halves, it is okay to put sex off for a couple of hours and tank in some sleep, given the hectic schedule that comes with today’s wedding!

A story is told of a drunkard who had a high libido that forced him to behave crazy whenever he wanted his wife.
Once after one too many he hurried home to his wife, only to find that she had gone for a wake in the neighbourhood. Without a wink, he made for the home where villagers had converged to mourn a prominent member. Oblivious of what was happening, he began tickling and pinching his wife demanding that she goes home to fulfil her marital duties. Initially the wife resisted, but the husband could not have any of it. What ensued was a major battle that ended up costing this ‘loving’ husband a few teeth.

What he wanted to do was quite romantic, but it was the wrong time and definitely wrong place.
Of course this guy was drunk, but it is still a lesson to us; some places and times are definitely wrong, so be reasonable. This is not tea we are talking about, it is sex.

carol@ugandaobserver.com